dry mouth

hello all! sorry ive been MIA.......oh yah and a quick update: I DID NOT EAT THE JAMON!!! those spaniards tried to make me eat it a few times...and to be honest, it was a little tempting...but i resisted the urge and stayed away from that big old leg of meat! hah! ALSO in other news...when i came home from spain, i became a VEGAN! its been two weeks and i feel great..ill keep ya posted on how that goes!

OK now for the real post...dry mouth. this morning i went to a weekly presentation that we have at our work...once a week someone from the department gets up and does a little lesson on whatever it is thats going on in their specialty...either an update on some topic, some research, or a case that they are working on...anyway...sometimes they are really interesting talks and sometimes i nearly fall asleep! today was a pretty interesting one and the guy was a really good speaker. the audience was actively listening and people seemed to really be enjoying it. i was too, that is until i noticed the speakers severe case of: DRY MOUTH. like, he really really needed a drink of water...bad. i mean, i know we've all been there. you are getting up to give some presentation or to have a serious talk with someone and you find yourself getting a little nervous...palms start sweating...hearts racing...mouth starts to get a little dry. but before you know it, youre starting and theres nothing you can do about it. try as you might to lick your lips...swallow...clear your throat...everyone can hear it in the microphone as you try in vein to wet your mouth and your mouth just keeps making that weird noise that it makes when its really dry. you just keep talking, pretending like everythings fine, that you are not cursing yourself out for forgetting your water bottle. and the more you try to lick your lips or swallow or pry your lips from the top of your teeth where they are now stuck just to wrap your lips around your bone dry teeth...the more dry your mouth seems to get. you know what i mean, right?? this guys dry mouth was seriously making me uncomfortable and making me want some water! i really wanted to help him out with a drink or toss him up a mint! haha! but sadly i just had to sit and watch him suffer. the good news was that once people started participating a little more..i think his nerves calmed a little and he was able, once again, to make saliva....things looked up from there. moral of the story...in stressful situations, dont forget your water bottle.

happy spring!
xoxo

the accidental "i love you"

yeeeep...my life is still awkward and sitcom-esque! i had a little situation tonight with the guy that ive been dating for the past couple months. never, ever triple-task while signing off on the phone with the guy you are newly dating! lesson learned. heres the tale: i was talking online to my BFF and writing an email to another friend while reading her email to me in spanish aaaaand saying goodbye on the phone to the guy. soooooo as i was doing all of these things..i dipped into my arsenal of send-offs and pulled out the first one that came to mind without really thinking....i go, "bye, love u".......................AHHHHHHHHHHH! WHA??? the situation got a litttttle awkward in that moment! the most awkward part is perhaps how much i took it back/made sure he knew that i was not saying what it seemed i was saying....whooooops! anyway...i quickly tried to explain that i was triple-tasking and that its just something i say when signing off with friends--all the while saying whoaaaaa whoa whoa...way too much! i am sure i sounded like a total bumbling freak, back-pedaling and stuttering like a weirdo...yowza! tough moment. he, on the other hand, was LOVING my panic and actually laughing at me!

lesson learned...phone calls with the boy will now get my full attention!

xoxo wish me luck on our next meeting....

the little tootski

i went to a private yoga class today that my trainer held for a few of his clients. as the title of this post suggests, sometimes ppl allow themselves to become a little too relaxed during their yoga experience. now, i know they say to completely let yourself go...but there are certain unwritten boundaries to that release people! unfortunately, a lady learned that the hard way today in our little yoga class...let me set the stage leading up to the main event: the room was completely silent (no music even)...all of us had our eyes closed...the teacher instructed us to breathe deep...stretch...deep breath...relax...breathe...toooooot...all eyes immediately open looking directly at the woman from which the tootski escaped. she looked over to her daughter with a sheepish smile and said, in a tiny voice, "oops". it was seriously all i could do to maintain composure!! haha i dont know what it is about farts...but i seriously become a child in situations where farts happen in an awkward or unexpected way...lets just face it: farts are funny. haha all i can say is...thank god it wasnt me :)

awkwarddd

today i got myself into an awkward little situation...my friend at work called me to meet her for lunch and she was a little urgent about it! i was just about to ditch her for lunch because i was so hungry, so i had already warmed up my soap and was about to eat it. so i quickly capped my tupperware, grabbed my wallet, and ran out the door to the elevators. right as i got there everyone was boarding to go up...which was where i needed to go! so lucky, right?? or so i thought...i started walking on the crowded elevator (the last person to get in) and as i did, i noticed my dominican friend and so i was all "holaaaaa" and smiling and all goofy and friendly, of course, and then as i walked on...i ran straight..into....the elevator door (its not like it closed on me, i somehow managed to walk straight into it). as i did this, i bounced off the door and my wallet flew out of my hands and the change part of my wallet opened and change flew all over the place. and my soup container popped open and my scalding hot vegetable soup sprayed over the crowd..ok..the last part didnt happen...but everything else was true! but instead of bending down and picking up my wallet and getting myself together..i just awkwardly stood there with a stunned look on my face staring back at all the ppl staring at me in the elevator. finally, after several seconds, my dominican friend broke the silence and was like..uh...are you ok...and i was like, "omg! NO!" hahah i mean clearly not...i just beasted the elevator door!! haha then this girl bends down to start picking up my change and i just awkwardly kept staring and then i was like, omg..thanks! and then i realized as she was picking up my change that she was actually robbing me..haha kidding, that didnt happen either...really she was just blocking the door from closing because she was picking up my change for me...so then everyone in the elevator turned on me and spit on me as i knelt at their feet, fine, that didnt happen either...but they werent happy! anywayyyyy why must i always be such a crazy spectacle?!

haha oh well! have a good weekend :)
xoxo

poker face

no, im not talking about the lady gaga song...i am talking about my very own poker face...or lack there of. apparently i, 1. have a very expressive face and 2. do not have a very good poker face. i always knew that i had an expressive face because everyone always tells me i make bizarre facial expressions and i guess i sort of knew that i didnt have a very effective poker face because whenever i get presents that i dont like...like from my family at christmas for example...i always try to smile and look excited, but they pretty much always know that i hate it. haha sad! (but true) anywaaay...i recently got a couple of reminders about my facial issues in my classes. the first one was just last night. i had a chem lecture and the prof covered a TON of info...like twice the amount he had planned on covering and my head was seriously spinning by the end of it. clearly, i thought these feelings were totally internal and on the outside i looked just as confident as ever...until suddenly the prof stops the lecture...literally mid-sentence...and weirdly seems to be looking directly at ME. i was like, what more dude?? i have already been called on to answer a question in front of the class, you are already like two lectures ahead...what the heck do you want from me?? then he goes, "are you ok? you look like youre in pain." hahah OMG SO INAPPROP!! in front of the WHOLE class...and its like stadium seating and i sit in the back..so EVERYONE turns to look at me and im like, "oh..uh..no, im uh..fine." SO AWKWARD!!! exhibit A of my poker face failing me. then about a week or so ago i was in bio lab and the same sort of sitch happened...but this time i was sort of in lala land thinking about all of the stuff that i have to do with so little time to do everything and then the TA stops and looks at me and goes, "you look confused" AGAIN, EVERYONE looks at me and laughs (clearly, because as usual, i am a total spectacle) and im like.."uh..no no, i get it." hes all, "you sure??" and im like, omg dude..if i didnt get it, theres no way im saying anything NOW! exhibit B my poker face fails again! looks like i need to either get my emotions in check OR get some control over my face!! in the meantime, i will get in front of a mirror, put on some lady gaga, and practice my po-po-po pooooker faaaaace, pokkkkerrr faaace!

MIA

AHH OMG SORRY! i just realized that i havent blogged in TEN DAYS. thats just totally inappropriate!! my life is absolutely INSANE right now but im slowly getting myself together...and after some intense studying this weekend hopefully the weekly, fine daily, ok you caught me, hourly...panic attacks will cease ;) i got a little confused about my life and thought that i could have a social life AND do school and work...how wrong i was! haha so now i am vowing to get myself together, starting this weekend!! other than the constant feelings of anxiety, life has been pretty good. classes are going well...hard, but interesting! oh UPDATE: i wore my lab coat and goggles for the FIRST time yesterday and wooow did i look COOL! ahaha...but one awkward thing (obvi, its me) my goggles steamed up at one point and i didnt know what to do...if you take them off during an experiment, you will get points docked and be asked to leave (so ridiculously strict, right?? and the lab instructor is sooo funny...she is from russia and sort of sounds like miss piggy meets julia child and is super rule lady and not kidding around, so i def dont want to test her with removing the goggs at any point!!)...so anyway, i was blindly trying to read my measurements through the fog....hahah so awkward...and i didnt want to say anything to anyone because a) i dont really know anyone yet so really who would i say something to?? and b) bc the guy next to me had a paper towel sticking out of his goggles and when i asked him why he told me it was because he was sweating...and i laughed at him...soo then i couldnt admit to being all steamy, right?? anyway, i made it through the rest of the lab ok...im gonna need to get my goggle-wearing technique straightened out so that doesnt happen again! haha! ok, thats about it for now...more later!! xoxo

the sneeze attack

sneezes are just not a comfortable thing, lets all just get that straight right now. theres no good time to sneeze really. in the middle of a meeting?? nope. while driving?? nooope...can you say accident?? in the middle of eating?? DEF NOT, ew. sneezes are just plain awkward. but if they have to happen...then sneezing just once should do the trick. i was always so irritated by my dad and his crazy sneeze fits. he would sneeze like 20 times in a row and instead of feeling sympathetic, i would feel irritated! hah! sad, i know, but true. luckily, i have never had one of these sneeze attacks. actually, i dont sneeze all that much on a normal basis. but last night...was a different story. i went to bed around 12 and woke up suddenly at 2am with the biggest urge to sneeze. i was like, what the?? so i laid down and tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. but i think the sneezes were offended that i tried to quiet them and ignore their calls..because let me tell you...they came at me with a vengeance!! it was ridiculous! i think i was up for almost an hour...sneezing. thats it. just sitting in bed sneezing...oh that AND hating my life. i got up, washed my face, laid back down...they started again. got up again, paced, turned on the light, blew my nose, laid back down...they started again. no matter what i did, i just kept sneezing! it was AWFUL! i seriously didnt know what to do! i really wondered at one point if they would ever stop! i also kept wondering if enough time passed that i could just get up for the day because laying down was not working...weirdly, starbucks was also on my mind in my time of sneezes. haha only me! once i reasoned that they would stop eventually (also propped myself up with like 4 pillows to avoid the sleeping position, which seemed to be making the situation worse) and that it was in fact too early for starbucks, i guess i fell asleep...bc the next thing i remember is waking up and it being morning and me weirdly in a sitting up position on top of all these pillows with like kleenex all around me. haha ew, i know. sick dude. fricken sneezing attacks. that better have been my one and only!

ellen moment

as you all know...i LOVE ellen and think she is seriously the best comic that ever lived...am i going overboard?? i dont thiiiiink so! ANYWAY, i was walking to the metro today and the guy next to me had a TOTAL ellen moment!! everyone is always in a rush in the mornings, clearly, because we are on our way to work. anyway, so we were rushing to the metro and i dont really like to walk right next to ppl though, so i was trying to step it up and pass the guy next to me. as i was doing this, he too sped up and then ever so slightly caught his toe on something and tripped...but then he started running...so i thought to myself...did he trip?? or is he running?? then after a couple of seconds he stopped running and resumed his fast walking and i thought...he tripped. haha TOTAL ELLEN MOMENT! i wanted to point and yell YOU TRIPPED (like ellen does)...but i couldnt! haha i have never actually seen someone do that! so funny! stopped to tie my shoe back there and after that little run..im back on schedule! hahah LOVE ELLEN!! happy wednesday people!

**if you are confused by this post and dont know what ellen moment i am talking about...im going to need you to find here and now--ellen's most amazing stand-up--and watch it now! k, thanks! xox

weird lunch

i had lunch today with my friend and we ate outside at some little tables in front of our building. the tables seat four people, but we are obvi only two and she warned me that because we got a good table in the shade, random ppl will inevitably invade. so we are chit chatting and eating away when all of a sudden this random lady comes and sits down and goes "excuse me, you dont mind, do you?" of course we said, no no, no problem...although there were other tables around...she, for some reason, wanted to sit with us. whatevs. so then we went back to chatting and she suddenly starts mumbling (while looking in the opposite direction from either of us...like literally not even in our general direction) about some silverware that she forgot and then some other stuff that we couldnt understand and then finally she slowly moved her weird faraway gaze in our direction, clearly looking for a response. so my friend and i just looked at her sort of confused and she YELLS (all upset bc we didnt understand her): "I ASKED IF YOU WANTED ANY OF MY STEAK!" (she was eating a cheesesteak). we were like...ohhhhh..umm..no thanks? (ew) and shes like, "IM OFFERIN YOU STEAK! dont want to be rude eatin in front of you!" hahah SO WEIRD!! its like, she was sooo annoyed and upset because we didnt understand her mumbling about offering us some of her food while not even looking at us and then thought it was weird that we didnt want any of a strangers cheesesteak off their plate! haha! after we said no again, she slowly looked away from us again and continued eating. hahah can you even imagine if i would have said yes?? what would she have done?? given me a bite? let me pick some steak off the top of her cheesesteak?? haha SO random! after a few mins, a friend of hers came and joined and we were worried he'd start offering bites of his food too...so we left...

weeeird lunchin!

policeman trickery

i was driving home from yoga this morning on a road that is 35 mph and i looked in my rear view mirror to see a cop driving behind me. i dont have very good luck with those guys...so when i see them, i get a little panicky and really try to be the best driver possible (which yes, i realize i should always be...but its tough when you are putting on mascara and singing to the music and trying to watch the gps all at the same time!). so anyway, i put down my latte (what?? its fiiiine to drive a stick shift car with a latte in hand early in the morning when you are not quite awake yet..noo problem..) and focused on the task at hand. i checked my speed...right around 35...looking good. then all of a sudden, the cop started gaining on me! i was like, hey buddy, mind the speed limit! but he kept doing it and so i sped up a little, but pretty soon he was tailgating me..like super close, like maybe he was going to try to bump me or something! so i sped up a little more, but then got a little nervous, because there i was speeding with a cop literally on my bumper! then i thought..oh god, maybe he's tricking me!! maybe hes like forcing me to speed so that he can pull me over! omg. so i quickly slowed back to the speed limit and he came up super close to me again. it was a total catch 22!! luckily my turn came up, so i got the heck out of there! trickster cop or just a cop who doesnt follow the rules of the road?!?! YOU DECIDE!!

happy weekend :)
xoxo

awkward!

as i may have mentioned before, i am in a book club! this month our book is the glass castle by jeannette walls. i picked up the book from the library and have been carrying it around for a few weeks and i have not even had time to crack it open!! well book club is coming up so i decided i better get going! so the other day i opened it for the first time on the metro and started to read....halfway through page one i realized......IVE READ THIS BOOK BEFORE!! hahah how awkward!! i am pretty much known for this type of thing. i am famous for sitting down to a movie and halfway through realizing ive already seen it (yep, halfway...im that bad) and now apparently i do the same thing with books! not only did i not remember reading it because maybe its a book from way in my past or something...you know, an acceptable amount of time to forget something, like maybe in high school or something....NOOOPE. i read it just LAST YEAR! right when i realized this i called my friend (who is also in the book club) and told her of my revelation and she goes, "oh crazy, but how did you like it??" i was like..."omg its AMAZING!! so great!! i talked it up nonstop after i read it!" shes like.."really? because you didnt even remember reading it. title didnt spark anything. the author either. sounds like you really loved it!" haha omg i swear..its SUCH a good book, i just have memory issues, i guess...maybe i should get that checked out! ha! seriously though, its so good that i thought since id already read it, i could just skip this month...but since i already had it with me, i started reading it again...and now i CANT STOP!! im already half-way through in two days of metro rides! anyway, my review is: read this book! and even if youve already read it and forgotten it completely like me, read it again!! its worth it :)

HAPPY FRIDAY PEOPLE!! xoxo

ELLEN

"hello, you've reached the voice messaging system for ELLEN!" haha if you do not know what thats from.....you need to watch ELLEN's, HERE AND NOW stand up! she is sooo amazing!! anyway, i had a little ellen moment myself today. i was walking down the hall...feeling pretty confident. like my outfit today, hair looks pretty good, LOVE my shoes. then as im walking, strong and confident, feeling fine with my head held high, the edge of my shoe slips and does some weird slide and i lose my balance, nearly falling and rolling my ankle all in like a ten second span (which was like slow motion for me as i saw myself begin to fall). as ellen says "it only takes that one tiny trip to suck the cool right out of you"...and she is right! the situation was made worse because i was walking alone..so i couldnt laugh with someone or make fun of myself to save face...i just had to regain composure and keep walking like nothing happened. also, there were ppl walking behind me...so i knew they saw me, they knew that i knew that they saw me, and things just got awkward. when i got to the elevator and the ppl behind me walked up, we all just didnt look at each other and pretended it didnt happen. what an awkward way to start the day......

i mean...

i was just in the cafeteria at work and some guy accidentally dropped his burger and fries all over the ground and everyone laughed...like not just one person, everyone! i mean...you cant just point and laugh at someone when they screw up! haha so rude!! and the poor guy just stood there looking sheepish. then he shrugged his shoulders and goes, "uh...sorry about that" to the whole cafeteria while he looked down at his sad little lunch strewn all over the nasty floor. meanwhile, everyone just kept laughing away! it was like a movie or something...when someone does something embarrassing and everyone laughs and points and you think, that never would happen in real life...well, you'd be wrong my friend!

times are tough...

i was driving home yesterday at around 12:30pm when i saw a man walking along the edge of the freeway under a bridge. i thought...what in the heck is that man doing walking along the freeway under a bridge!??! he was wearing a backpack and what looked to me like nice suit pants, nice shoes, and a shirt. then i thought maybe he was walking to get lunch on his break from work and weirdly took a wrong turn and ended up on the freeway!? not sure. anyway, i was sitting at the light and creepily watching this man when all of a sudden he stops at a corner, opens his backpack, and whips out a sign asking for food or money. im like WHAT THE?! literally he looked like a businessman on a lunch break....wait...was he?? are times getting so tough that he wanted to make a little extra money on his lunch break or have the rest of someones sandwich instead of stopping off at subway?!?!

darn this economy!!

elevator tales

daily elevator rides can definitely have the potential for awkward situations. ellen (who i am obsessed with btw...watch her stand-up, she is amazing) does a bit on elevators and how awkward they can be. its a tiny space, you are with a stranger, you stand in silence (which for me is always awkward silence) or someone tries to make awkward elevator small talk (which is tough because you never know how long each rider will be staying..so you must be smart in your choice of mini-convo and allow it to end quickly when necessary..nothing worse than the elevator doors closing and two ppl are trying to quickly finish their convo as the doors get closer and closer with one person on either side of the closing doors and all the other riders are secretly hoping one of them doesnt decide to throw a hand in causing the doors to pop back open, thus surely causing someone in the elevator to be late to a meeting or a lunch or a party or an appointment or...oops im babbling, sorry, ill stop)...etc. aaanyway, i was rushing for the elevator yesterday and just as it was about to close, it opened again. there was a security guard inside and she heard me coming and held it for me. so nice, right?? well as it turns, maybe she wasnt actually being nice, but just didnt want to ride alone! so the doors closed and i said thanks (for holding the door, obvi) and she smiles. then we start our ride and she starts fiddling with a candy or something. and then she turns to me and goes "i gotta eat a mint". hmm..i thought, well thats nice..but i didnt really ask. so i just go, "oh" and smile. then she continues..."yah, had me a submarine sandwich...you know...onions..." i was like, umm...i mean, what do you say to that?? haha i just laughed and go, "well then, i guess a mint is definitely in order". then it was my stop and as i stepped out i heard her cracking up as the doors close. haha totally weiiiird and totally the kind of situation that oddly enough, i find myself in very often!! clearly i didnt ask for any details of her eating schedule or her need for mints...but it really seems like sometimes ppl just have the need to tell me the weirdest thing...or maybe she just had really bad onion breath that, because of my bad nose, i couldnt smell, and perhaps she was just trying to explain it away as we were in a rather tiny space and i guess if it was as bad as she thought, it could have been offensive. hmm..dont know.

have a good one! xoxo

fricken mcdonalds

helllooo again...sorry ive been MIA, but the truth is, nothing really interesting has been happening lately! oh well, such is life. ANYWAY, fricken mcdonalds. so last night i was at my house and i had a sweet tooth like none other. i usually try to ignore things like that and i also dont keep sweets in the house, so i really dont have the option. buuuuut last night it was so nice out, i thought wouldnt it be so cute to have some frozen yogurt?! but then i realized that i dont know any froyo places near my house. then i thought...mcdonalds frozen yogurt! brilliant! sooooo i get myself together, drive to mcdonalds...gag a little upon entering bc the thought of fast food makes me want to eulp these days...but quickly remind myself im only there for the frozen yogurt. the experience was not a good one, let me tell you. not only were there far too many ppl there so late at night mowing down on some big macs...but the cash register guy was totally rude! i asked him for a cone and he looked at me weird...so naturally, i repeated. then he asked me for money, i gave it to him and he just looked at it. so i quickly recounted, saw it was correct, and just sort of tap it. then he takes the money and goes and gets the cone and hands me a drippy mess. yes yes, i know i can be a little picky..but PALEASE! a drippy nasty cone?? i dont think so! so i go, ew. its yucky. and he goes, WHAT? i go..the cone is gross..im gonna need a cup. he looks at me and goes...cone does NOT mean cone and cup. i go: YOU GAVE ME A DRIPPY NASTY CONE! oooook...so im at mcdonalds on the late-night fighting with the check-out guy about a messy cone...nooot one of my finer moments. anyway, he finally gave me the cone and i headed back home...all the while thinking, hmm..this doesnt really taste like frozen yogurt. but after all that, i convinced myself i was wrong...but actually only ate half bc i had my suspicians....weeeeeellll...my mom confirmed it this AM...they no longer serve froyo at mcdonalds..its full-on ice cream. aaaaaaaand im a fat girl! fricken mcdonalds..i KNEW there was a reason i stayed out of that place!

**update: omg i just read online that the mcdonalds ice cream cone only has 150 cals...maybe im not such a fat girl after all...

benjamin button

ok so i think that i might have actually seen the REAL benjamin button...no, im not kidding and no, i didnt like that movie. the reason i didnt like it was because i just couldnt get past the story..like, it was too unbelievable and i couldnt let myself go and get into it. i kept being like, ew dude. anyywayy...now that i had a run-in with THE benjamin button..i might be singing a different tune! i was at starbucks a few days ago (obvi) and while i was sipping my half-caf, nonfat, grande latte i noticed a mom and her son walking. the boy was pretty cute and it wasnt until her turned around that i noticed that he had...a bald spot. like, i kid you not...a total bald spot. perfect circle right in the middle...just like grandpas. i have worked with kids for a long time but i have neeeever seen anything like this! has anyone ever heard of this?? i was seriously in shock! i tried to get a closer look to see if he had wrinkles or thick glasses like in the movie..but no such luck. and it didnt look like hair loss from like a disease or alopecia or anything...because he had a full head of hair everywhere else...it was just a perfect bald spot. so, if no one's ever heard of this...then im thinking...i really did see the real-life benjamin button! i am now a believer and will now stop knocking the movie.

sometimes people or groups weirdly seem to have a problem with me!?

there are some people or groups of people that seem to be irrationally against me. it started while i was in college with the post office. every single package i got or any letter i received was ripped, torn, bent, dirty...it was awful! one time i remember going to the "package room" with a friend and we looked in and saw the piles of boxes and there was one that was totally destroyed...things popping out, cardboard all mutilated. well i started making fun of the package and laughing until i gave them my name and then to my horror...they went and got the very package that i was mocking. how embarrassing!! the computer gods have also got a problem with me. no matter how careful i am (and if you know me, you know i am very very careful..to the point of a problem..with all of my things!) my computers seem to break. brand new computer...viruses, wont turn on. next computer...fan burned it up and totalled it. after months and months and months of fighting with the computer geeks (literally...geek squad) and their higher powers...i fiiinally got a new computer. have barely used it. go on the internet maybe once or twice a week..JUST downloaded itunes after about 8 months of having it. dont even have word for goodness sake! tried to use it today...wont work. geez! those computer gods have it out for me for sure! as if that wasnt enough...i now have a new enemy!! amazon.com. yeeeeep they hate me. irrationally, of course. totally weird, yes. but they hate me all the same. i ordered my first book with amazon a few months ago and it took over a month to get to me. by the time it came, book club was over. my friends informed me this was totally abnormal and it must have been a fluke. well now we order the books together...one of my friends ordered it last time...and of course, there was a problem with the order! (mind you..she had never had a problem before!). i thought...is it me?! nooo couldnt be. well now another friend ordered a book for me and THIS one is not coming either. im telling you, amazon does not like me! for some reason..no matter how cautious i am, no matter how much respect i have for the postal service and the computer gods...some people out there are just going to have a problem with me!! weird!

weirdos are totally drawn to me...

i went to my old school yesterday to pick up some transcripts and of course, i had a weirdo run-in. i swear, it seems that the most normal, every day outing somehow always turns into some crazy experience for me! so here goes: i went to the registrars office and filled out the form to get transcripts and the girl who is helping me walks away as im writing and then reappears all chipper and saying "yessssssss...YES!" i was like, hmm...clearly just celebrating out loud, but hopefully not directed at me. then she looks at me and goes, "yesss IM SO EXCITED!!" i was like, yah? and she goes "SIGN LANGUAGE CLASSES. FREE SIGN LANGUAGE CLASSES!" im like, ookk...wait, were we in the middle of a conversation that i missed the beginning of?? so i just nod along and smile...casually holding out my form, hoping she takes it so i can get the heck out of there. then she is typing away on her computer and she looks up at me, "so do you think rosetta stone really works??" i, who am really no authority at all and know nothing concrete about rosetta stone, go "yes! definitely! totally...they use it in government organizations and everything!" she smiles and looks back down at the screen mumbling to herself (or possibly to me...still unknown), "mondays wednesdsays fridays, ok, classes, then work, ok tuesday and sunday, ok...trails off, wednesdays finals, ok if i go there..trails off again." im standing there...confused...wondering 1. why im still holding the paper with my order and 2. is this mumbling stranger talking to me?? then she looks up again and smiles all excited, "FREE! NO MONEY! free sign language classes!" hmm clearly she was not happy with my original response of polite smiling and nodding, but wants a real response and then she'll take my paper. so i go, "oh yah? cool! why?" and she says simply, "because i want to learn sign language." kind of like..duhh...so then i take this awkward pause to quickly hand her my form while she continued mumbling about schedules, classes, work, etc and then looks up and smiles huge and was like, "its going to be an hour. do you want to wait here or are you going to go and come back?" i said quickly, "go and come back DEF"..imagine staying with her for a whole hour chit chatting about rosetta stone! all i wanted to do was go in, fill out the paper, leave, and come back for my order...why do i always end up in these weird situations?! maybe im too nice?? should i just have cut her off immediately after her first weird comment?? hmm dont know what the answer is for me...

accosted

well last night i was accosted at the grocery store. seriously, the weirdest things ever always happen to me! i was in the cracker aisle minding my own business just looking for the multigrain saltines when all of a sudden this guy comes up to me and says really quietly in broken english..do you speak spanish? i said..yes. then he goes..hablas espanol? i said, si. then he asked how i was, where i was from, then he just casually slipped in there that he just lost his job. thaaaat was the part that got a little awkward. but let me just take a little break here and say..how in the heck did he know that i spoke spanish!?!? do my skills just exude from me?? am i turning into a spanish mama?? or was it that i was wearing my flamenco dress and playing my castanets?? hmm..dont know. anyway, so here we are standing in the cracker aisle. he has his hands in his pockets, sort of slumped over, pained look on his face, and speaking sooo quietly that im straining to hear him. i was like, is he going to cry?? i was like..well, ok. umm..im really sorry? haha like i am sorry he lost his job..but like, we are strangers in the grocery store..i dont really know if im the best person for him to discuss his loss with?? so i just said...well, im really sorry. where did you work? he told me he worked at this restaurant around the corner and they just dont want to pay him anymore, so he lost his job. i was like, aw man, well luckily there are lots of restaurants!! so no worries, you can find a new job! he just looks at me and was like, im so down. im so low. im just really feeling sad. i was like..oh man, this is getting more awkward by the second. i just kept being like, well im really sorry...all the while thinking...i mean..what does this guy want from me?? then he told me that he is from honduras and he really wants to go back to his country and i was like..oh, thats a good idea. then hes like, but how!?? i lost my job! i was like...oh god..i dont know dude...i need to buy my crackers and get the heck out of here!! so fiiiinnallly he asks me what he approached me for in the first place...if i could help him out a little. i said, listen..im really sorry..but i dont have anything to give you right now. then i said, im really sorry and good luck and you will find a new job!! then he goes..ok. please forgive me. and sort of bows a little. i was just like, no no its fine...as i slowly backed away from him and the most awkward grocery store convo ever! i quickly made for the exit leaving the crackers and my new friend from honduras behind! my life is crazy :)